Why is it that it seems like this same mother fucker follows me around whenever I have a serious relationship. I know the community is not that big but still OMG.
You would think that in a large city such as this one, that one would have the freedom to date and be in a relationship without having to worry about any extra shit…. Well, that’s wrong. It seems like no one I’m ever with can fully be the man that I want them to be because of something this same ho has done to them. I haven’t even met this bitch yet it seems that drama follows them everywhere and they just can’t seem to let niggas be great.
When I first got with my now fiancé, we were both apprehensive because we both just exited relationships with the devil and the Devils ex. My ex was so screwed up from his last relationship that he didn’t know what the fuck way was up. But the funny thing about it is that he painted this picture that he was the fucking prince in shining armor coming to rescue the beautiful princess (that would be me) from a life of loneliness. What he didn’t prepare me for was the craziness that I would endure for a year after that because the person he was dealing with before me was such a fucking nightmare that his view on relationships was just so fucked up. Like, this bitch must have had him spending all of his bread. He felt like without the money, he was useless. But unlike the bitch he was with before, I had my own. I didn’t need his. He didn’t need to pay for every single fucking date, hotel weekend. Like nigga you were working as a work-study and seasonal at game stop. I was not missing that coin at all. It’s not like you were the head of some Fortune 500. But what the fuck ever. You had a materialistic bitch before me and didn’t know what genuine love was because I loved you when you had bread and I loved you when you were broke. I loved you when you had teeth and…I still loved you when you had to have some teeth pulled. All that outside shit didn’t matter to me because I knew who you were as a person. But this bitch fucked up your perception of a relationship and love so fucking bad that you didn’t see that.
Now with my fiancé, like I said we were apprehensive about first getting into the relationship. We were just hanging out and talking about our past experiences and that’s when it came to light that this bitch he was with was the same bitch from my ex. That’s when I learned that this ho was notorious for fucking niggas mental up. But what I didn’t understand was what the fuck about this bitch had these niggas minds all fucked up? Clearly, it wasn’t the ass. Because from what I’m told the sex was horrible,… It couldn’t be the look because the bitch looks like the alien off of the fucking Alien vs. Predator. So what the fuck is it?
To this day I don’t know what the fuck it is. But I really wish that I had beat this bitch ass on the G bus that one time I just happened to be on the bus and saw that ho. It is very bothersome to feel like you’ve been with someone for so long but you still living in the shadows of some past irrelevant bitch. But whatever because at the end of the day, I know I’m a bad bitch. I have an education, career and far more success than a minimum wage making crumb like that mother fucker. And when you out here still sucking and fucking wishing someone would love you, I’m in a beautiful , warm, loving home with my MAN, bitch.
That’s all j have to say for now. I needed to vent and let that out. Please look for some new music soon. I’ve been working….well not so tirelessly on some new material.
Until next time!
When I tell people that I have been battling with depression for nearly half of my life, I get a variety of different responses.
You’re so beautiful, what do you have to be depressed about?
You seem so happy.
But see, here is the thing about the situation that a lot of people who are not going through it do not understand: Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes you to feel extreme moments of sadness, tearfulness, among other symptoms. Some people experience these symptoms for weeks and months at a time and for some, the feelings are unbearable.
A number of things can cause a person to shift into this imbalance. Although sometimes, it could be triggered by nothing. I am not sure if there are genetic components, for that you would need to seek an expert. But I do know that for me, it started a little bit more than half-way through my lifetime. A number of life experiences have shaped my depression/anxiety. Abuse, mistreatment, etc. to me it seems kind of cliche but whatever.
In my own personal journey through this struggle, I have done countless therapy sessions, which really helps a lot. Having someone to talk to is the best medicine for me. Speaking of medicine, I have tried anti-depressants but I feel like they don’t work as well as a good old-fashioned sit down with a counselor and some tea and just talking it out. But it should be noted that everyone is affected differently, so different treatment methods help for others whereas they may not help for some.
This disease has controlled my life for so long that I have finally decided that I was no longer going to let it ruin my life. I have tried to take my life several times, I almost dropped out of school and also almost lost my job. This disease made me also almost quit doing the thing I love the most which is making music. I fight every day for a better life and to find better ways of coping with things that get me down and keep me stressed. My anxiety level may still be high in certain situations, but now I know through therapy and self-exploration how to better deal with these problems.
I think there is still a lot that people (myself included) still do not understand about depression and although the medications work for some, they don’t work for all. But I have learned in struggling with this that talking to people and letting them know what’s going on is sometimes the best medicine. It certainly helps with me.
And MUSICCCCCCCCCCCCCC, AKA my life, is one of the biggest helps of all. I will be posting some soon.
I am currently in the process of reading a book entitled Pebbles in the Pond Wave 3: Transforming the World One Person at a Time. I am only on the second chapter and yet I am already feeling inspired. This book is really making me think. So far, they spoke about being your authentic self, transparency and using your authentic voice. This is something that I want to try exploring within myself.
The author of this chapter posed an interesting question that got me thinking: “How is the world a better place because of my existence?” Me, being a singer and a song-writer in my spare time (and wanting to do this professionally someday) found this to be a very valuable question in terms of using my authentic voice and being transparent.
The world is a better place because I am here to give a voice to an unheard and misrepresented population. I want people to realize that who we are and what we are is normal and we should never be ashamed of who we are. The world needs to know that we (homosexual individuals) are not freaks or perverts and that our love is just as real as everyone else’s love.
And then she asks how the world would suffer if I did not use my authentic voice. The answer to this is simple. There would be no progress or forward-thinking. Being homosexual would still seem to be something that is strange, immoral or just plain wrong. I want to be able to shed light on the situation… not in a way that could be seen as “extra” or anything like that.
From what I gather from this section of the book is that in order for you to really know who you are, you need to break down the different sections in your life and to see where you are and where you need to be. I need to assess each area very carefully to determine where I am, where I want to be and what I need to get to where I want to be.
…I have A LOT of work to do.
But hopefully, further reading will enable me to find avenues of unleashing my authentic voice and allowing myself to open myself up to the world in order to deliver my message of positiveness and self-love.
As I stated in the previous post, my fiancé and I were planning to put a little lipstick on our bathroom. We were able to accomplish this on a pretty small budget as well but of course we weren’t able to do EVERYTHING we wanted to do, it is still a huge difference though.
Here are some before pictures before the painting and everything commenced.
I regretfully did not get a full-on before shot of the radiator before it was painted but oh well!
This process literally took all day and hundreds (ok well only like two hundred) of dollars, but thank goodness it is possible to find great things at the Home Depot, Target and Walmart for relatively cheap.
Painting was scary for me because it was my first time and I did not want to mess up, but my fiancé helped and guided me through it and told me to just take my time.
The other challenge was the flooring. I kind of expected it not to be perfectly even, but thank The Lord for the pattern we chose because it makes it a little more difficult to see all the cuts and adjustments we had to make.
I didn’t clean it yet so pardon the smudges!
It was a long process considering the size of the room and that we were only doing minor things…putting on a little make up as I like to call it. It was like literally an entire day at work. However through all the paint, sweat and frustration, we got through it and it is beautiful. The only thing we did not (but need to) replace were the vanity/sink and the baseboards but like I said, no big deal. This was only minor procedure.
The (semi) final product! Miss are the towel and toilet paper holders which still haven’t been properly installed yet!
New, awesome shower head.
The radiator cover painted. It was all white before so just use your imagination as to what it originally looked like. The same just white, LOL!
This is the original mirror that came with the house which we thought was actually not bad, old vanity, and towel holder which is NOT screwed in yet so please don’t use it to dry your hands! LOL!
Side by side before and after comparisons! This was a super difficult process but I’m glad we did it. Would I do it again? Bathroom? No. But I cannot wait to get started on the next room. Preferably the closet or office. They seem like they will be the next cheapest.
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode!
Until next time!
So I have been doing a lot recently, with graduation fully behind me, now I am working on… working and finding a new job to develop my skills as a social worker, as well as getting engaged and doing all the things that come along with that. I have also been working on new music! So a lot of things have been going on as far as my personal life is concerned.
Although all of the above are great reasons to get this blog up and running again (happy new year btw!), the main reason why I am back is to follow the progress of me and my fiance’s home improvement projects! But yes, I will try to talk about other things too. So this week we will be doing our bathroom. I should have that up soon thereafter with before and after pictures and also the crazy story that I am sure will come along with it.
So that was my quick update, I hope to see this project through successfully and that we do not actually end up killing each other.
Just a little fan fiction I wrote when I was a teenager and was into this kind of stuff. I don’t want to lose it and therefore here it is!
It was a warm spring afternoon as I was walking to the bus stop to get a ride home. I was walking with my head faced down and kicking a rock along the sidewalk. When I looked up I saw the bus just about to pull off. I shot off running after it, luckily I was able to catch it but all the seats where taken! I finally found a seat at the back of the bus; I took a seat and looked over at the person I was sitting next to. It was a girl from the girls school a couple of blocks down from us. She was kind of cute, and I could see her blushing when I glanced at her. I glanced back and I noticed her blushing glaring at me out of the corner of her eye. (Liner notes: A good glare not a bad one.)
“What’s wrong?” I asked her. She gasped a little bit and then she said “Ah, nothing.” I put my arm around her, “You were checkin’ me out weren’t ya?” She pushed me away making me fall out of the seat and then she screamed “You jerk!” and then she got up and made her way to the front of the bus, making sure she kicked me as she got up out of the seat. My face was beat red as that was probably the most embarrassing situation of my year here at *insert name* boy’s school.
I got up and sat back in the seat looking up to see where she was, I saw her standing there holding onto the rail. I didn’t really mean to come off as a jerk because I think I really like this girl, but I know she hates me now. I saw her getting off, so I did what any other self-respecting love struck puppy would do… I followed her. I got off from the back door. As I was out the door she had already started heading up the street so I followed behind her quietly, damn she’s a fast walker. Pretty soon my slow paced walk became a slow paced jog until I finally gave in and chased her down. When I caught up to her I grabbed her shoulder, she didn’t really like that much. “Ah!” She squealed when I grabbed her. “You!? What are you doing here?” She asked with that same pissed look on her face. “I followed you.” I replied calmly.
She sighed and started to walk away. “Wait!” I yelled to her. “I have to tell you something.”
“Well… what do you want?”
“I love you”
“Love… you can’t love me, you don’t know me.”
“Well… what’s your name?”
“There now I know you.” I smirked.
“Either way I don’t know you.”
“My name is Keita… even though I just met you and I know you think I can’t LOVE you… I really, really… really, really like you and I want to get to know your personality.”
“Yes, please meet me tomorrow after school.”
“I dunno, the bus?”
“The bus? How romantic.”
“You don’t have to be all sarcastic.”
“Ha-ha, you think you’re so cute.” then she mumbled “Well he kind of is.”
“Uh… nothing.” she giggled. She’s so damned cute I wanna make her mine.
The next afternoon right after school I booked to the bus stop to get on earlier. When the bus arrived I got on, paid my fare and there she was, shiny as a rose. I took my seat next to her, she smelled so sweet. For a while it was just like a long awkward silence. We just sat there for a few minute just looking, smiling, blushing and giggling. It was kind of cute. I waited patiently for her to break the silence, but she was probably doing the same thing so… I finally decided to speak up. “Hi, Risa-Chan.” She smiled a little bit. “Hi… jerkface-kun.”
“Ahh that was mega harsh.” I said to her as a made a fake sad puppy dog face.
She laughed. “I was just kidding Keita-kun.”
“You called me Keita-kun?”
“Uh… I mean Keita-san.” She blushed with her cute little face.
“Aww, why’d you have to do that?” I asked.
“Do what?” She replied.
“You said ‘Keita-san'”
“So?” She looked with a questioning face.
“I like ‘Keita-kun’ better.”
“Uh… but I don’t really know you like that.” She stated.
“Well… you can get to know me, Risa-Chan.”
“What’s with the -Chan?”
“I like you, so I will call you ‘Risa-Chan!'” I replied. “What’s with this chick” I thought to myself as we sat on the bus just riding along. As you can see I was not getting much action, unlike my buddy Shinya there in the back, who was making out with some girl called Reina from the girls school. I looked back at them and I saw Shinya give me a thumbs up, I chuckled and turned back around to Risa. “Who’s that?” She asked.
“Oh him? That’s one of my friends from the all boys school.”
“He looks fast…”
“You get used to it.”
“What!?” She asked with some kind of tone.
“No! Not like that, I mean you get used to him leaving you to talk to some girl.” I replied quickly. “You see last Sunday when we went to the mall he scored like 30 numbers.”
“So… he is that kind of guy…” She looked disappointed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked
“Nothing, it’s just that… you aren’t like that are you?”
“No, not at all.” I assured her.
“That’s good.” She sounded comforted. She yawned and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m so tired.”
“Huh?” I was surprised because, this is a girl who I thought once hated me, what’s going on in her mind, are all girls this weird? She fell asleep, I kind of liked it like this, could I possibly have a girlfriend right now? Or is this just a one time deal? I don’t know but she looked so cute resting her head on my shoulder. She clung to me, that made me kind of nervous even though she was asleep. I held onto her, her body is so small, her skin was so soft. That’s when I realized, that I really did in fact love her. I looked up for a second and looked out the window. “Eh, Risa isn’t this your stop?”
“Huh?” She yawned as she lifted her head off of my shoulder. “Oh my gosh it is! I have to go.” She started scurrying around. Then she stopped. “Wanna come home with me?”
“Uh… okay.” I answered. I blushed trying not to get “excited.”
We arrive at Risa’s house at about 4:00PM I was really overwhelmed at the size. We walked in the door to the entrance where we took our shoes off. Risa slipped on some cute white bunny slippers. She turned to me and handed me two plain brown slippers. “Thank you” I said as I slipped them on. From there we entered the living room to be greeted by her older sister. “So, who’s this guy, Risa?”
“Someone I know from the bus.” she replied.
“Hello, my name is Keita, nice to meet you.”
“Hi, I’m Risa’s older sister, Ai… You two behave, I’m going to meet Miki and Ryuichi at the mall.”
“Miki and Ryuichi, huh?” Risa questioned.
“Uh… yeah.” Ai replied.
“You sure you’re not going to meet um… what was his name again? Oh yeah… Yusuke!”
“Shut the fuck up, you better not tell mom about it either!” She commanded. “How did you find out anyway? Where you messing with my cell again?”
“Maybe… hurry up you’ll be late, it’s already 4:30~”
“You’re lucky that your boyfriend is here with you, otherwise I’d knock your ass…”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” Risa exclaimed. I just stood there and watched the two argue for about 20 minutes it was pretty interesting stuff, since I’m an only child I don’t get to argue with older siblings like that. It was actually pretty funny. I tried so hard to stifle my laughter. I’m glad I didn’t laugh thought I figure as much as Risa hates me now I don’t want to make her hate me even more. Or does she even hate me at all? On the bus she sure seemed pretty comfortable. “ANYWAY, I have a date.” Ai calmly stated as she walked out of the door.
“Some nerve.” Risa said. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”
“Uh… upstairs?” I said nervously. “Like… to your room?”
“Of course, where else would we go?” I gulped deep and followed behind her. When we got to her room I was even more nervous. She opened the door and this sweet scent just hits you right there, as soon as the door opens. Her room was very pink… figures. She sat on the bed and I just stood there. “Well… are you going to sit down?” She asked.
“On the bed.” she replied. I slowly made my way over to her bed and sat down next to her.
“Are you nervous, Keita?”
“Of course not.” I lied.
“Okay good, because we’re not going to do anything.”
“What!? You had me all nervous for nothing?”
“What? Why would I do that to someone I just met yesterday?”
“I don’t know, I just assumed.” She sat there quiet for a while, I just looked at her the whole time. “Keita.”
“Are you a virgin?” The moment she said I could feel my face getting hot.
“Yes.” I said blushing. “Are you?”
“Of course, I’m waiting for that one special person. Someone who loves me and only me, and someone who I only love.”
“Wow… that’s exactly how I feel.” I stated. She turned to me and put her hand on my hand. I put my other hand on her hand, and she did the same. “Keita-kun… I want to kiss you.”
“I would very much like to kiss you too.” I answered.
She closed her eyes, my face got hot again. I closed my eyes and leaned forward to kiss her. I was so nervous, my heart was racing, I was sweating and I think I wet myself… wait no I didn’t. Anyway I was just so nervous. As I’m still slowly leaning in to kiss her. Closer… and closer… and closer. “KEYS!” the door slammed open and Risa and I both jumped up. “Risa, I forgot my keys!” Ai exclaimed.
“Than how did you get in?” Risa questioned.
“You left the door unlocked nimrod.” Ai replied.
“Where are my keys?” Ai asked.
“Eh… how should I know? They’re your keys.”
“Did you check the kitchen?” I asked.
“The kitchen!?” Risa and Ai looked at me like some kind of psycho.
“My dad leaves his there all the time.” I stated.
“Uh… whatever, I’ll go check the… kitchen.” Ai left the room and Risa and I just sat there for a while. Then Risa started laughing. She has a funny laugh it made me laugh too. “Found them!” We heard Ai scream from downstairs. “Thanks Kid!”
“Did she just call me kid?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about it, let’s just do it.”
“Oh okay.” She closed her eyes and started to lean in towards me. I closed my eyes and did the same thing. I stopped for a second. “Wait, is this kiss supposed to prove something?” I asked.
“Eh, if I feel something from this kiss than that means we were meant for each other, and because I kind of like you.”
“Good enough.” We closed our eyes and leaned in AGAIN and soon our lips were pressed together. It was a nice, warm feeling, her lips were so soft. Soon that little peck turned into a steamy hot passionate kiss. I put my arms around her waist and she put her arms on my shoulders. It was something that I have never in my life experienced before. Not the kiss, but the raw hot passion. Something I’ve never felt so strongly with any other girl. That’s when I knew this was a special girl.
We slowly unlocked our lips and opened our eyes. “Did you feel anything?” I asked. Risa just stood there paused. Like a DVD on freeze. “Risa?” I waved my hand in her face so she could snap out of it.
“That was… amazing.” She said and she looked into my eyes. “It was like… unreal. I have never felt anything like that in my life.”
“Me either, maybe we are this perfect for each other.”
“Keita-kun… I think I love you too.”
“That kiss… it was true, it was real… it was something strong, something strong that I’ve never felt from another person before. It was truly…” She stopped and looked at me. “Keita-kun…”
“Risa… will you please be my girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend?” She paused. “Only if you will be my boyfriend.” When she said that I couldn’t help but smile. Finally, Risa and I were a couple, it’s like a dream come true.
“Well, I think I should go home now, it’s getting late.”
“Wait, just one more kiss.”
“Okay.” Before I left we shared one more passionate kiss for the night. “See you tomorrow, Risa-Chan.” With that I started slowly out the door.
It’s now the weekend, I met with Shinya and Reina and we just chilled for a while. I hadn’t talked to Risa all day. I wanted to pick up the phone and call her but I was a bit nervous. “What’s wrong with you today, Keita?” Shinya asked.
“What?” I was slightly in a stupor thinking about Risa. “Oh I was just in a daze is all.”
“Thinkin’ ‘bout your honey?” Shinya laughed.
“Yeah, I can’t stop thinking about Risa.” I sighed.
“Do you think about me like that, Shinya-kun?” Reina asked.
“All the time, baby.” Shinya lied. Reina smiled and Shinya and Reina start kissing as usual. I sighed and looked out the window I was sitting near. I looked out the window then at the phone then out the window again. I sighed and looked at the phone. “Boy, if you don’t just call her and stop acting like a Pussy.” Shinya made a good point. I picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Hello?” Risa answered.
“Uh… eh… Hi.”
“HELLO~ Keita-kun!” She squealed.
“Wanna come over, Reina and Shinya are here.”
“Aww, I was hoping we could spend the day alone.”
“Well, its okay we can go somewhere later.”
“I’ll be right over, I just need to get dressed.”
“Are you naked?”
“NO! I just am in my Pajamas.”
“Oh, okay well anyway I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Bye-bye.” I finally felt a sigh of relief come over me.
“Man you still sighin’?” Shinya asked. “What? She not comin’?”
“Yes, she’s coming. I’m just happy that’s all.”
“Happy because she’s coming?”
“No, I’m happy because I have a girlfriend.”
“That’s really cute, Keita.” Reina chided.
“Blah, blah, blah.” Shinya teased. Risa arrived, I opened the door and gave her big juicy kiss.
“Oooh, so sweet little Keita is turning into a young Shinya?” Shinya laughed.
“Reina, would you like me to tell you about you’re Shinya?” Risa teased.
“Shut up broad.”
“Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that!” Keita yelled.
“Sorry… she just ticked me off.”
“What about Shinya?” Reina asked.
“Oh, I’ll tell you all about it later.” Risa said.
“Can we all watch this movie please?” I asked.
“No, I want to know about Shinya? What the fuck?” Reina started to get pissed off.
“Calm down Reina.” Shinya said.
“NO I ain’t calmin’ down! What about Shinya, Risa?” Reina questioned.
“Don’t worry about it!” Shinya yelled.
“How can I just not worry about it?” Reina asked.
“If that stupid bitch wouldn’t have opened her fuckin’ mouth…”
“Don’t be so mean to Risa, she was just kidding, nothing is up with Shinya, Risa.” I tried to comfort her.
“Are you sure, Keita?” Reina questioned.
“Yeah, nothing is going on.” I lied. I felt kind of bad for lying to her but I couldn’t just rat my best friend out.
After all the drama died down we popped in the movie. I wanted to watch something long, and the girls wanted to watch something “romantic” and Shinya didn’t really care what we watched as long as it had at least one scene with action in it, so we watched “The Titanic.”
After the movie was over Shinya and Reina had to go. Leaving me and Risa alone. “So what do you want to do, Risa?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Want to head over to the mall?”
“Sure.” She looked kind of sad today, and for some reason that made me feel kind of uncomfortable. “Ready?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m ready.” With that we were out the door, on our way out we saw my parents. “Keita, where are you off to?” My mom asked.
“Just going to the mall with Risa mom.” I replied.
“Oh is this the sweet girl you were telling us about? You too are so cute together!” My mother cheered.
“Let’s not get carried away honey. Be back by 11:00 Keita.” My dad commanded.
“Sure thing dad.” I answered and with that we were off to the mall.
When we arrived at the mall we were kind of quiet as we just walked around looking at all the shops. I noticed Risa trying to grasp my hand but she slowly pulled away. I reached out my hand and grabbed hold of hers. She blushed and smiled. “So what now?” I asked.
“I’m hungry, want to head over to the food court?”
“Sure, why not.” We walked over the the food court, it was pretty nice. I’ve never actually been to the food court in this mall, I mostly just shop. “Want to get some Chinese?” I asked.
“No thanks, I’m not really in the mood for Chinese, let’s get some pizza or something.”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Pizza isn’t really romantic.”
“I know, but I would really not like to have Chinese right now.”
“Fine… let’s go.” We went over to the pizza shop and ordered our food, I had one slice and she had one slice. After we were finished we just sat and talked for a while. The whole time she just looked so sad. I didn’t know what’s wrong with her, but I wanted to ease her pain. After that we walked around the mall some more. We stopped by a few clothing stores and tried on some clothes, at least then she started laughing and smiling. So I guess it was just boredom. After that we checked out the music store, she loved that POP stuff. She made me listen to some of those boy bands that all the girls are into right now. Even though I didn’t like it, it was fun because I was with Risa. Every moment I am with her I’m always smiling, except for when she’s sad. “Hey, Risa, want to come to the Oriental store?” I asked.
“Yeah, they have like all of this cool old Chinese stuff, come check it out.” I grabbed her hand and made our way over to the Oriental Store. We looked around inside and checked out some traditional Chinese items. Risa didn’t look all that excited. We went to the back of the store where there was a big map of Asia. I turned around and looked at Risa. She was crying. “What’s wrong, Risa?”
“Nothing…” I became suspicious of why she was crying. Seeing her cry made me hurt inside. Knowing that something is bothering her makes me so sad. “Can we please just… leave.?”
“Uh… sure.” We left the mall and got on the bus. We got off at Risa’s stop and I walked her home. When we reached her door step I asked her if she was really okay that’s when she confessed…
“I have something to tell you, Keita.” I looked at her nervously. I was kind of worried about what she was going to say. Could it be someone else? Another guy possibly?
(Flashback: “I have something to tell you, Keita.” I looked at her nervously. I was kind of worried about what she was going to say. Could it be someone else? Another guy possibly?)
“What is it, Risa?” I asked with a sense of concern.
“In the beginning of school, I was put in the study abroad program for Chinese.” She informed me.
“Well, that’s great, right? That means you’re good enough to go to China right?” I was so happy for her but I didn’t think. “But… wait… that means…”
“Yes, Keita… I have to leave Japan.”
“Well that’s okay right? We still have time to hang out, when do you leave, a week, two weeks?”
“No Keita, there is no time, my flight to Shanghai leaves tomorrow.”
“No… no, Risa… please don’t tell me you’re leaving already… why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I was so overwhelmed by the news that I started to cry with anger. Pretty soon I was kicking lawn chairs and throwing a fit.
“Keita, stop it.”
“Stop it? Stop it!? You’re going to Shanghai tomorrow and you just now decide to tell me? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”
“I’m sorry Keita, it’s just that I…”
“You what? You were ‘scared’?” I took a moment to calm down, my hands were still trembling though.
“Keita… please come in.” I followed her into the house and in the entrance we did the same thing we did last time take off our shoes and put on the same slippers. Then we went up to her room. “Is there ever anyone home in your house?” I asked.
“Shut up.” She said calmly as she slowly closed the door. She then turned around and looked at me. She walked over and pushed me down onto the bed. “What are you doing!?” I frantically whined.
“Keita… before I go I want you…”
“You want me what?”
“I want you inside of me.”
“Risa…” We started deep into each others eyes and I started to get nervous, I could feel the sweat dripping down my face and the room started to feel a little hot. Risa started kissing down my neck and feeling up my shirt. My heart was racing. “What should I do?” I thought to myself as she began to ease my shirt off of my body.
“Keita what are you doing just sitting there?” She asked in a sexy tone.
“Uh… I don’t know.” I was still nervous.
“Well don’t be a shy boy… undress me. I want our last time together to be special.” She put her hands on my belt and began to unzip my pants. I was now even more nervous because then she’d see how “excited” I was. I reached down slowly and began to feel up her shirt. I unsnapped her bra and I felt her goods, that made me blush. Than, I slowly began to lift up her shirt. After that, I paused. Risa had taken my pants completely off and I didn’t even notice. “Well don’t just sit there…” She commanded, I wasn’t as nervous now that we were both undressed. We started to make out and pretty soon I was on top of her. “Are you nervous?” I asked her.
“Of course not… you are.” She stated. And she was right kind of but once we were both joined I wasn’t nervous anymore, and from there we made love for the first time.
Today is Risa’s last day in Japan. She will study abroad in Shanghai, China for a year. Thinking about our first night together made me cry to think that she would be so far away. I got up, got dressed and headed straight out the door. Today I would spend with Risa until she leaves for Shanghai.
I arrive at Risa’s house at about 12:30PM but no one is home. I knocked on the door and rang the bell several times, where could they be. I suddenly began to wonder what if she’s already at the airport. With that I rushed to the nearest bus stop.
“Can you please drive faster!?” I commanded the bus driver.
“Hey kid I have a route to go.”
“I don’t care about your stupid route I need to get to the airport as soon as possible.”
“Well hey tough luck kid, we all have things we need but can’t get, why do you think I’m doing this instead of accomplishing my life long dream.”
“Oh yeah and what would that be?”
“I want to be the next Madonna.” I looked at the man with a concerned look on my face.
“You know what I’ll get off here you drive too slow.” With that I rushed off the bus and ran as fast as I could till I found a cab. “Please take me to the airport please it’s an emergency I don’t care please just step on it I’ll pay for your ticket.” I’m glad the cab driver was less difficult than the bus driver. I got to the airport within 20 minutes. “Thank you, uh I’m broke right now, bye!” I ran off as quickly as I could. The airport was crowed and I didn’t know which way to go. I asked the woman in the information desk about any flights to Shanghai from Tokyo.
“Ah, yes flight 917 from Tokyo to Shanghai leaves in about 10 minutes you can reach it over at gate 37.” The information lady informed me. (gee, now I know why they call it the information desk.)
“Thanks ma’am.” I rushed over to gate 37 where they were boarding passengers for flight 917 to Shanghai.
“Tickets please.” The steward requested.
“Uh sorry, I have no ticket but there is someone on that plane who is very important to me and I must see her at once.” I requested.
“Keita?” I heard a voice from behind.
“Risa?” I turned around and there was Risa with her family. I ran up to her and gave her a huge squeeze. “I’m so happy I found you.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t contact you but I was running late and my plane is going to go soon.” “No need to be sorry, I understand.”
“Yes, it’s okay as long as I get to see you once more before you go.”
“Oh Keita… I love you so much. I wish I didn’t have to go, but ¼ of my grade depends on this trip.”
“It’s okay Risa, I understand…. Just… just please kiss me one last time.” We gazed deeply into each other’s eyes and then passionately kissed one another’s gentle lips. She was wearing the same lip gloss she wore the first time we kissed, it was so romantic.
“All aboard for flight 917, Tokyo to Shanghai.” The large man yelled.
“Well Keita… I guess I have to be going now…”
“Yeah… take care, don’t talk to any boy whose cuter than me.” She giggled a cute little giggle and then boarded the plane. I stood there waving as she walked away trying not to cry.
Watching the plane take off tears started rolling down my cheeks I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I broke down into tears crying, Risa’s sister, Ai, tried her best to comfort me and her dad offered me a ride home. Although she isn’t here with me for now, I still loved her and thought about her everyday…
Throughout Risa’s stay in Shanghai, Keita and Risa wrote letters to each other every week about things going on in their lives and how much they loved each other. When Risa came back to Japan they got back together and are still together to this day. Planning a future together? Hm… who knows?
Hey girl hey! It’s DaRon here. I want to try to start blogging again!
Until I get myself reestablished in the blogging world, here are some links to hold you over:
Also feel free to check me out on Instagram @_omgitsdaron
Hope to see you soon!!