Depression: a personal account

When I tell people that I have been battling with depression for nearly half of my life, I get a variety of different responses.

You’re so beautiful, what do you have to be depressed about?

You seem so happy.

But see, here is the thing about the situation that a lot of people who are not going through it do not understand: Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes you to feel extreme moments of sadness, tearfulness, among other symptoms. Some people experience these symptoms for weeks and months at a time and for some, the feelings are unbearable.

A number of things can cause a person to shift into this imbalance. Although sometimes, it could be triggered by nothing. I am not sure if there are genetic components, for that you would need to seek an expert. But I do know that for me, it started a little bit more than half-way through my lifetime. A number of life experiences have shaped my depression/anxiety. Abuse, mistreatment, etc. to me it seems kind of cliche but whatever.

In my own personal journey through this struggle, I have done countless therapy sessions, which really helps a lot. Having someone to talk to is the best medicine for me. Speaking of medicine, I have tried anti-depressants but I feel like they don’t work as well as a good old-fashioned sit down with a counselor and some tea and just talking it out. ┬áBut it should be noted that everyone is affected differently, so different treatment methods help for others whereas they may not help for some.

This disease has controlled my life for so long that I have finally decided that I was no longer going to let it ruin my life. I have tried to take my life several times, I almost dropped out of school and also almost lost my job. This disease made me also almost quit doing the thing I love the most which is making music. I fight every day for a better life and to find better ways of coping with things that get me down and keep me stressed. My anxiety level may still be high in certain situations, but now I know through therapy and self-exploration how to better deal with these problems.

I think there is still a lot that people (myself included) still do not understand about depression and although the medications work for some, they don’t work for all. But I have learned in struggling with this that talking to people and letting them know what’s going on is sometimes the best medicine. It certainly helps with me.

And MUSICCCCCCCCCCCCCC, AKA my life, is one of the biggest helps of all. I will be posting some soon.

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